yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
