I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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