just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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