Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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