wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
