He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
