it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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