I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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