Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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