i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
