wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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