Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
