the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
