I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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