Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
