I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
