Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize