Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
