I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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