i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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