you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
