i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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