i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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