Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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