ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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