i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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