I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
