I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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