Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
