one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
