My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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