I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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