Don't you send me to vm
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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