remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
