My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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