Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
