I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Enjoy the penises
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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