i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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