I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
True strength comes from lack of pants
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
