I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
