VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
