the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
