I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
