3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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