First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
