do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
