Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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