I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
