he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
