Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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