i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
