i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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