Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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