yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
