Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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