We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
