Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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